TiK toK.

28/02/2010

23:00

29/02/2010 will be my final judgement day. Whether Charlie's marks will be deducted or me marching under the sun for 3 days. Which one will I get?? Why did I sound worry? I didn't manage to apologize with the teachers, Eiqa-paly got scolded by the teachers and the boys, all because of me. Paien and Najwa got scolded as well, all because of me. Teachers dislike me because I don't cooperate well with my dorm mates. My name has been called for the past 45 minutes and I couldn't hear at all. My attitudes problems are getting worse and worse. I didn't realize it last time because I know I'll get separated with them after Form 5 and start a new journey in college but I never thought attitudes can bring you down, dislikes, unfair and unsatisfied. Once I have these attitudes, it's hard for me to change it.

W said something about L and HS, I know you were covering what you said but I have a heart, I felt it. I always deny that facts but if there's a final way to pull us back, why don't I try? Whether it works or not, that's another issue, at least I give it a try. I poured out my feelings on Anis and I really were crying just that I can't do so in public.

I don't understand, you know how arrogant and problematic girl I am but why did you choose and accepted me?? Why did you endure with it?? I don't understand. Is this a plan for me to feel a lost of someone I love so much? I'm scare. I start to hate myself. Why didn't I accept the facts from the beginning?? Why must I run away with it?? I know my attitudes well but why didn't I want to change it?? Why did I continue my mistakes??

A person kept on her/his mistakes is because he/she didn't realize it but I did, why didn't I take advantage of it?? That message really awake me from my sleep. All this time, I've been sleeping and now I'm awake. Wise man says "Lat is better than never"

One must make the first step and that will be me. Can I do it?? I would choose to terminate a border of dislikes/hatred between us than ignoring it since we will be separated soon. If I have a chance to keep a friend, why letting it go?? But saying is always easier than doing it. Apologizing to the guys seems to be hard to me, should I let it go?? Paien, I am really sorry, I know you wouldn't be reading this but . . . I AM SORRY. 2 weeks left to endure this is painful. Running away is not the best choice for me anymore, Aki. No more running away.

Cried,

Aki

23:37